At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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