i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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