She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
