life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
