based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
