You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
