hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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