I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I miss vodka workout Fridays
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
