I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
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