Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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