Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
