We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
only you would photoshop your dick
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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