Please, let me fuck your mom
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
