Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Randomize
