So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Randomize