Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
