i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Randomize
