Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
