If i come over, it means nothing
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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