Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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