I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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