woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
