Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
