Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
