I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
