i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
