There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Randomize
