Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
