respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I just gargled with NyQuil
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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