I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
