Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
