Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
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