And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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