what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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