He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
