he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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