my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
