they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
