Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
