Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
