Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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