So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
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