My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Randomize
