There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
