I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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