There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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