Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
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