I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
