And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
