A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
