He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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