She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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