Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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