I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
