Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
