You're my little dorito
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Randomize
