I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
