Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
