if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
