I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
