hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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