The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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