shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
He uses pillows to masturbate.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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