let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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