The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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