his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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