so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
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