Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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