I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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