Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
