So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
