idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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