Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
