Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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