you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
