if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize