I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
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